I’ve taken a bit of a break from writing blog posts recently for one simple reason. I went back to therapy for five weeks. Although I have something of a backlog of posts I could have published in this time, it didn’t sit well with me to do that while I dealt with my own mental wellbeing. In my opinion the best thing to do was give therapy and the content of the sessions my full attention. Which is exactly what I did.

I didn’t originally plan on writing about this, but seeing as this blog is an outlet for me and the reason I do it is to attempt to normalise going to see a therapist, I decided I wanted to let my readers know.

I’m not really sure where to begin, so why not from the start.

July 19th 2021 – Freedom day

As my UK readership will be fully aware, on July 19th 2021 all remaining COVID-19 restrictions were lifted in England. Nightclubs reopened their dance floors, stadiums were full, masks stopped being compulsory and friends and families were reunited. All of this happened just before I became an uncle for the second time three weeks ago.

Add this to England’s success at Euro 2020, where the national team reached the final of a major tournament for the first time since 1966. As well as West Ham’s best ever Premier League season where the team I have supported my whole life finished 6th to secure European football.

Living the Euro 2020 dream in isolation

All in all, things were looking great. And with the continued success of the vaccine rollout – which sees me, a low risk 27-year-old, double jabbed – it seems like the journey towards a normal version of the planet is an upward one.

However, mentally, I knew something was wrong.

Having endured the entirety of lockdown by myself there was an element of fear/expectation that my social skills would rapidly decline. I think that’s a perfectly normal concern to have given the circumstances.

Being honest I don’t think this was the case at all. When the country reopened I was pleasantly surprised my social skills hadn’t fallen off a cliff.

Whether I was reunited with my friends at a BBQ in that brief period of summer sun we had. Seeing my family for the first time in 2021. Even interacting with strangers, whether that be bar staff, hair dressers or gym goers. Regardless of the social situation and who I was with, I felt confident in my speech and overall demeanour, arguably more so than in the pre pandemic world.

But still, I knew something wasn’t quite right mentally.

I initially spoke to my dad about it but I knew I had to go and see a professional. So I picked up the phone and booked a session with my therapist.

Why I went back to therapy

I’m sure the burning question on some readers mind is what happened. If you came here looking for a breakdown of all five sessions then I’m afraid you came to the wrong place. What I discuss with my therapist will – and will always – remain confidential. Spreading the details simply fuels the fire of gossip that society has an obsession with – which is something I try to avoid like the plague.

That said, there are certain things I am comfortable alluding to.

Firstly, I think it’s worth mentioning that the last time I went to therapy was just before the UK first entered lockdown in March 2020. At that time I had three sessions, one per week right up to the start of lockdown.

The reason I bring this up is because due to the implications of lockdown – ie, I didn’t have to see the antagonists in that situation anymore – I considered the situation resolved. I was wrong. Lockdown meant the issue got brushed under the carpet due to bigger picture of COVID-19. Just like everything else at the time.

Lockdown 2020

Fast forward to freedom day in July 2021 and the issue was still there. And it still needed addressing. Which is where we started. As is usually the case we dug deeper and deeper and unravelled more and more in regards to why I was feeling this way. Then we started to discuss what can be done about it.

We dug into certain things that I think deep down I knew would crop up eventually. As well as others I was blissfully unaware of. As of right now I’m in a position where I know and accept the situation for what it is. In an ideal world it isn’t something I have to deal with but I can’t change that.

Despite seeing the issues as resolved that’s all I’m prepared to say at this time.

In the future I may talk more openly about it but now is not the time. I simply wanted to let my readers know that I was back in therapy.

Going forward

I’m never going to sit here and curse my life at the fact I go to therapy every so often. I will always count my blessings that I have the emotional awareness to call my therapist when necessary.

That said, I will always struggle to understand the view of outsiders looking in that this is the case.

Too many people have the view that I live a life where therapy isn’t necessary. That I have a two-bed flat over my head to call a home. That I’ve travelled to more places in my 27 years than some people will in their entire lives. As well as the fact I had a season ticket at a Premier League club for a number of years.

A lot of people have the view/opinion that because of those things – plus many others – that sadness isn’t an emotion I could possibly feel. That all of this is an act of attention seeking. And it drives me insane.

I had my Good Will Hunting ‘It’s not your fault’ moment with my therapist way back in 2014. But the world changes. Every man and his dog knows that. Exhibit A – COVID-19 didn’t exist in March 2019, yet it had an impact on everyone (and I mean everyone) just twelve months later.

Things don't look much different in March 2021
London at rush hour just three days before lockdown – imagine saying this would be the case a few months earlier

I would be very surprised if I went the rest of my life without having another therapy session. If you’re feeling unwell, you go see a doctor. If you pick up an injury, you go and see a physio. Similarly, when something is wrong mentally I go and see my therapist, and I’m forever grateful for that.

2021 London Marathon

In less than one month I’m running the 2021 London Marathon for Mind!
If you wish to donate or keep up to date with how my training and fundraising is going you can do so by following the links below.
Fundraising Page: https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/JordanCamp
My blog post about the event
Instagram: @26.2MilesForMind
Strava: https://www.strava.com/athletes/9589825
Mind Website: https://www.mind.org.uk

london marathon for mind
I’m running the London Marathon for Mind!
Five weeks of therapy

Jordan Camp

I’ve been sharing my writing with the world since 2015. Back then it was about travel, then I transitioned into wellbeing and mental health awareness. Soon after I was being paid for it as I wrote about sports, politics and, of course, the pandemic. My words have been published in the i, Mancunian Matters and a number of the South West London associated publications. In 2021 I ran my first marathon, for the UK mental health charity, Mind. I currently live in Essex where I am training to become an Ironman.

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