A lot of the big moments in my life have been overshadowed by fear of what other people thought of how I presented myself or how I spent my time and right down to what I did for a living.
The way I was living my life with that storm of what people thought shadowing of me can be all kinds of damaging. I wasn’t really living at all I was getting by at best which lead was a culminating focal point of my mental breakdown in May 2014.
I really don’t think I am alone here. In my personal opinion, a lot of people are hesitant about doing things that make them feel alive because they’re too scared of what other people may think. The only thing I am more sure about how I used to live my life that way is how my life got considerably better when I stopped thinking that way – And this is how I did exactly that.
Stop People Pleasing.
If you go about your days trying to please everyone else the one person getting most negatively effected by that is yourself. If you spend every minute of every day trying to please the people around you then where can you ever find the time for the self-love that is ever so important?
It may sound selfish looking out for yourself above others but it is far from the truth. We are the only person who spends 100% of all time with ourselves. The only one who knows everything about us from our best moments to darkest days. We’re also the only ones who know exactly how to care for ourselves, so we need to devote some time to just that. Sure, as we get into more serious relationships you’re a partner will come to know of these things and help us out when necessary but all of that stems from the knowledge of how we care for ourselves.
The Wrong Mind-Set.
One of the things all humans have in common is that we love to moan. More often than not the loudest person in the room is the person moaning. I remember going to see Avengers End Game recently and when the film ended everyone got up to leave you got the vibe that generally people enjoyed it and then above all of that you could hear someone shouting how much he hated it. The loudest person in the room was the most negative and that happens a lot.
When this moaning is directly or indirectly aimed at myself or something I’ve done, in the past, I have had a tendency to feel victimised, as if I can’t do anything right. So I stopped trying to do things that would be a challenge to me, and it’s those things that are challenges that make me feel alive.
I can stand here now and honestly say I haven’t done a single thing in my entire life that has gone without error, perfect, in other words. Not to say things haven’t come pretty close to perfect, but there have always been speedbumps between the start and finish.
So when people want to hear more about the failures and shortcomings of something I’ve done instead of the success’ of it, I begin to question what it is I have to do for people to give me an appraisal. In the past I would really get torn up about it, trying to figure out why and for a while I tried to convince myself that it was one of the three.
- They’re unhappy and insecure.
- They’re jealous.
- They’re just a massive wanker.
Which is not only very presumptuous and rude but it’s not even right. The real truth of it is is that people could say 24 positive things about something I did and one negative and I would beat myself up about that one negative and it didn’t help my mind in the slightest, it just caused more overthinking, anxieties and depression.
Change Of Mind-Set
Until around the age of 21, I had that mindset. Then, seemingly out of nowhere it just changed, and for ages, I don’t know what happened that made my mindset change, I’m not complaining about that whatsoever but around four months ago I was listening to a Ricky Gervais podcast and he said something and all of a sudden it was the missing piece of the puzzle I was looking for.
We’re all going to die. Let me say that again. We’re all going to die.
From a very young age, we all know that we’re all going to die. However, using that to develop my own self-comfort stems from the thought of just picturing myself on my death bed, being asked if I have any regrets and my response being something like…
- Oh, I really regret that so and so thought my travels looked rubbish.
- I regret having a season ticket for however many years because non-West Ham fans say it’s a waste of money.
- So and so called me an idiot for spending money on going to a Taylor Swift concert.
Imagine getting down or beating yourself up about those three things, or things to that measure. Sure, a lot of what I do with my free time isn’t for everyone, but it is for me, hence why I do it and hence why I will keep on doing it.